Hi Everybody,

Social networking is so five minutes ago. What you need is social “mindworking”—a way to quickly and effortlessly communicate all of your sensory perceptions with your entire network of friends.

Impossible you say? Then you haven’t seen Minder. Forget Facebook, MySpace and Twitter. Minder connects your brain synapses with those of your family, friends and colleagues. Through a relatively painless surgical implant procedure directly into your brain stem, you can instantly and involuntarily share and enjoy your pains and pleasures with everyone in your social network.

It’s that simple. Don’t wait to get that Twitter message from your Aunt Gertrude to know when her Sciatica is acting up. With Minder, you’ll feel it as soon as she does. Don’t wait for your Cousin Henry to come back from Thailand to tell you about his hook-up with that amazing prostitute in Bangkok, experience it with him, in the moment, whether you’re at the regional sales meeting or just playing bridge with the gals. You won’t have to keep that root canal to yourself. With Minder you can share it with your Sister Sophie while she is on her blind date or your Grandfather Bo as he’s about to sink a birdie on the twelfth hole.

Know instantly what your boyfriend thinks about that sleazy girl who just walked by before he turns his head. Or, get a running start before your crabby boss hands you that pink slip. Just sliced your finger carving up a pot roast? Share the feeling with 40 of your closest friends.

Call our 800 number to order Minder now for you and your social network.

(Minder may not be available in all 50 states or in certain signatory nations of the Geneva Conventions. Only trained and licensed Minder surgeons may implant the Minder device. Unauthorized implantation is not advised. An extended warranty plan is available if you are not completely satisfied.)