I'm going to read Chocolate Metal Shavings after posting this, just to get some background information. With that said, I don't expect a lot of this critique will be negative.

I think that your work has an underlying comedic tone, so that allows for you to "get away" with certain things. That's not a bad thing lol. I like your style of writing action scenes, it's creative and interesting and much more fun to read than the typical action scene. I enjoyed the short, concise sentences and the play-by-play on anatomical destruction <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="" title=" (Smile)"/> But I can see where someone would assume that Alexis has supernatural abilities because of the way it is written. If that's not how you want it to come across, per se, than rewriting would make some parts more clear.

There is a lot in here that is just overall creative. I think your strength lays in that creativity. And I don't mean to be ambiguous by using the term so much. But I'm sure you're aware that Alexis has a very distinct voice that a lot of authors don't have or just don't use. The fact that the first half of the chapter is entirely her dialogue reaccounting previous events is a fascinating way of opening. It did seem to drag on, but because of the humor, and because I wanted to know more about her and why she was saying those things, I kept reading.

These are just some grammatical things that stuck out to me:
“…depend on my every day.”
*me

“I will add that although I found…”
*I will add that, although…

“…nothing but cosmetic caps…”
I would hyphenate this, or place it between dashes.

“I glanced at it.”
*Specify that she’s glancing at the card. It could be construed as numerous other things, so I would specify simply for the sake of clarification.

“sly fox in hen house”
*in a

“…frizzy ginger-colored hair demanded of those present.”
*I think it’s safe to cut the “of those present”.

“Ginger knowing the jig was up, …”
*Ginger, knowing the jig was up, …